Satan's Trifle

Oh yes. The many folks on twitter and various blogs have been BEGGING me to post the how to for to make it.

Satan's Trifle.

Firstly, let me give full acknowledgment for the name to one of my twitter followers, Michelle Rodriguez.

Nextly, to my wonderful Wifey-Poo for coming up with the idea.

And finally, thanks to all of you for letting me string you along for a week as you wonder about this wonderful dessert.

Does anyone like chocolate? Does anyone like cherries? Does anyone like Baileys? If you answered, "Hell yeah!" to all of those queries then you'll love this trifle.

Wife and I came up with this as we were perusing the pantry trying to find trifle fixin's. We saw that if we made it all chocolate then we'd have everything 'cept the chocolate sponge roll. Poof! Idea was born!

Please note, I used Father O'Leary's instead of Baileys as O'Leary's is better. And Australian. So there.

And a last note, if you don't feel confident making your own chocolate custard (it is easy, trust me) then you can use a choc custard or choc pudding mix but you've got to make it THICK. Very thick.

Last note... I never measure for this type of dessert, but I did measure for the custard. You're welcome. For those of you who normally make your own custard, the amounts will seem "off". That's ok, it's is supposed to be very thick and set like chocolate concrete.

On with the show, cus the show must go on.

Satan's Trifle

What you need:
One chocolate sponge cake roll (see pictures)
Father O'Leary's Velvet Cream --or Baileys
Cornflour --cornstarch to you North Americans
Large bar of dark cooking chocolate
Skim milk powder --I usually use full cream milk powder
200 grams of pitted, halved, fresh cherries
milk chocolate melts
raw sugar
thickened whipping cream
drinking chocolate OR 100% cocoa powder plus confectionery sugar

Now doesn't that just put POUNDS on your middle? Ohhhhhhhhh... Yeaaaaaaaaaah!

Here's the assembled goodies:




Lastly, you may want to use a trifle dish. You can't use mine as it's from the 1890's and is leaded crystal. It also has a big crack in it from MIL's mum. See, me granmum-in-law was kind of a dill in the kitchen and she had inherited this trifle dish from her mum. She thought cleaning it with boiling water after just serving up a cold trifle in it would be a good thing. Sigh.

But if you can't get a trifle dish, then use a large plate and make SURE the chocolate custard is very thick. Like mortar consistency thick.

What you do:

This particular "what you do" will be picture orientated as I know you all likes piccies. Food piccies, of course.

The first thing is to slice the chocolate sponge roll into one inch thick slices. Thusly,

Yes, that is a 50 year old Pierre Santini bread knife, thankyouverymuch.



At this point you want to lay the slices out flat on a plate...

and put them in a very warm place to dry out for an hour or two. Being in Oz, that means I just put em outside in the sun for a few minutes.

The reason you want the slices to dry out is so that when you saturate the slices with O'Leary's it (being the Baileys) doesn't cause the chocolate sponge cake to go mushy. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, just trust me and dry out the slices, 'k?

Whilst the slabs of chocolate sponge cake roll are drying, you'll want to make the chocolate custard. If you choose to use packet mixes of chocolate pudding or chocolate custard, then you are excused from looking at the next few pics. Just make sure you make your custard THICK!

Now, let's assemble the stuff for the chocolate custard. That'd be raw sugar, cornflour (cornstarch), milk powder, thickened whipping cream, and dark cooking chocolate.

And a thick bottomed steel saucepan.

First, melt 100 grams dark cooking chocolate. You can use a double boiler, but I usually use a microwave on low.




To make the really thick chocolate custard do this:
to 1 and 3/4 cup water (H2O), mix in
8 tbsp cornflour (cornstarch)
5 tbsp raw sugar
7 tbsp skim milk powder (or full cream, your choice)

Whisk it all together THOROUGHLY!

Heat it in your thick bottomed saucepan whilst whisking the whole time. It will, not surprisingly, thicken up till the whisk stands up!




Once it starts to really thicken, you obviously want to take it off the heat and let the heat from the pan base do the rest. At this point, it'll be close to concrete like consistency and you'll have thought you ruined it. No, you didn't.

Now, to that pan add 1/2 cup thickened whipping cream plus 2 tbsp icing sugar and beat like crazy! I recommend an electric beater.



Then add the melted chocolate as the electric beaters do their thing!




You should (fingers crossed) end up with a chocolately custard of a consistency like thus:




It really does only take ten minutes to make the custard, and no fridge setting time either. I much prefer this to using the pre-made powder packets.

Getting back to the trifle.

Spread your semi-dried slabs of chocolate sponge roll onto your trifle dish. Feel free to cut some of them in half so they all fit nicely into the dish:




Didja notice that bottle next to the dish? Of course you did. Next pour at least 1 cup of Baileys or O'Leary's over the slices.

You'll be quite happy you dried the slices, otherwise the liquid would turn the whole thing into mush at this point. And you don't want that!

Remember those chocolate melts and the cherries?




First, fill all the gaps betwixt the chocolate cake slices with chocolate melts. Then layer a few on top just for the heck of it!




Your delicious, fresh, pitted, sliced cherries go on next:




Now it's time to start packin' that chocolate custard on!




As you are packing on the custard, you want to make sure it gets into all the gaps. Cus when you put this baby into the fridge to set, you'll have chocolate mortar betwixt the chocolate cake bricks!

Smooth all the custard out till it looks all purdy like.



Now it's time to make the chocolate whipped cream. If you are using "drinking chocolate" then add a 4 tbsp to 300 mls (that's one cup plus a bit) cream. Then beat with your electric beaters till "stiff peaks form". If you are using cocoa powder and icing sugar, then use a tbsp or two of each, no worries.

Your chocolate whipped cream should now look thusly:




Not even sure if I need to tell you this next step, but go ahead and start slathering that chocolate cream over the chocolate custard which itself covers the cherries, chocolate melts, and chocolate cake.




Don't forget to clean up the edges for presentation purposes!



At this point, your Satan's Trifle should look something similar to this:




But we aren't done yet! Remember that other half of your bar of dark cooking chocolate? Good, you do. Go grab it and grab a cheese grater.




Ladies and Gentlemen... Start your grating!




And don't stop grating till you are out of chocolate and your Satan's Trifle looks like THIS!




Chill that baby in the fridge for a few hours, then ENJOY!

It took 4 of us 3 days to finish this. It is rather... rich.

Disclaimer: blog author is not responsible for pimples, heart palpitations, sugar highs, or anything else you can damned well think of. So there.

2010 Holiday Menu

After careful deliberation and careful pantry n freezer stocktake AND a careful look at the balance on Wifey-Poo's credit card...

The 2010 Holiday Feast Menu is ready!

In fact, we already had the first bit of it on the solstice: The Maple Syrup & Pineapple Glazed Ham. Side was steamed broccoli with a homemade cheese sauce from a 300 yr old French recipe.

So, here's the list!

Mains (not an exhaustive list of course)
Polynesian Pork Ribs
Roast Chook
Various Sushi Platters
Grilled Basa Fillets
Banana Leaf-Wrapped Marinated Pork Shoulder
Homemade Pizzas (great way to take care of leftovers)
Mexican Feast (leftover pork shreds great!)
Maple Syrup & Pineapple Glazed Ham
Numerous cold platters
Beer n Brats

A few of the planned side dishes
Candied Sweet Potatoes
Char-grilled Eggplant
Green Beans n Red Bell Peppers in Peanut Sauce
Potato Salad --both hot and cold varieties
Herbed, Baked Potato Pieces
Lots of green salads
Marinated Onion n Cucumber Salad
Homemade Teriyaki Beef Jerky
Toasted Chilli n Garlic Almonds n Peanuts
Nacho Platters (DUH!)
Various Cheeses, Feta, Camenbert, Bleu, etc
Dolmades

Dips
Hummus
Miti
Guacamole
Lots of different gravies
Tzatziki
Hot Fudge Sauce

Desserts!
Satan's Trifle --h/t to Michelle for the name of the dish
Frozen Peanut Butter Cheesecake with Hot Fudge Sauce
Champagne and Strawberries with choc sauce for dipping
Devonshire Cream Tea
2 or 3 loaves of Cinnamon Bread
Pineapple Pie
Waldorf Salad (me mum's secret recipe)
Pineapple Sherbet
Banana Tarts
Pineapple Dip/Topping
Highland Oatcakes
Shortbread
Irish Whiskey Fruitcake
Christmas Pudding
Pineapple-Coconut Pie with Meringue Topping

Booze
Homebrews (Got a few cases of different varieties ready!)
Father O'Learys Velvet Cream (like Baileys but better)
Red Wines
White Wines
Champagne
Cream Port

I think it'll be a very nice feast this holiday season. What are your thoughts?

Vote for the 2010 Holiday Menu!

And just why does your vote count here at this ole blog? Cus you dear reader get to vote on what this year's Holiday Feast! Why is there a Holiday Feast at the ole hamstead down unda? Read on... read. on.

This here whole tradition goes back to when I first arrived in Adelaide. Firstly, you knead to know there is no Tryptophan Overdose Day down here. That means no Thanksgiving. So I decided that I'd whip up a nice Holiday Feast. And I'd do it with fairly non-traditional foods that my Aussie (formerly border-country english) in-laws wouldn't know how to cook or eat.

It has since grown. I now include some very traditional Holiday foods.

Why do I call it The Holiday Feast instead of Christmas dinner? Because this lasts two weeks. Why two weeks? Cus it starts on the summer solstice of December twenty-oneth and goes for two weeks till January threeth or fourth. Or whenever we are too full to eat.

Down here betwixt Christmas and New Years there's really only one day of work, and not that much gets done then anyways. Why is that? Getcher calender out and I'll 'splain it to ya.

25th is a Saturday this year, 24th friday. Now no one really wants to work Christmas Eve so last real day of work is the 23rd. But since that's full of office parties and the like let's count that as holiday too. That leaves Dec 22nd. But since solstice in the 21st, how's about we just start the festivities then? After all. South Oz is known internationally as The Festival State.

Boxing day (26th) is a Sunday. The Official Christmas day holiday is Monday the 27th, so the Official Boxing Day holiday is Tues the 28th. Dec 28th is also Proclamation Day for South Oz. Boxing Day is also the start of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race, so not much to be done till at least the 29th. Boxing day also starts the Boxing Day Test Match (cricket) which goes on for 5 days. New Year's Day is Saturday, with New Year's Eve being Friday. Since no one works New Year's Eve, then Dec 29th and 30th would be the only two days of work. Screw that, there's a yacht race and a Test match on, why should Adelaide work? Then Monday the 3rd is the Official New Year's Day holiday and if you're lucky enough you'll be in a place that also celebrates The Day After New Year as a holiday.

All in all, you gots nothing to do betwixt Dec 21th and January 4th. So why not cook, eat, watch cricket, watch a boat race, lay on the beach, drink lotsa beer, and gain 15 pounds?

What I'm going to do here is paste the Holiday Feast from years gone by. That'd be 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009. You'll notice there are some dishes that appear throughout and these dishes will be cooked. And also my extra special Frozen Peanut Butter Cheesecake with Hot Fudge Sauce will be made. Otherwise I'll be sleeping on the couch all of 2011.

So vote in the comments for the dishes you'd like. Vote for as many dishes as you'd like, or as few as you'd like, no worries. If there aren't too many folks voting then I'll call the vote an abstention and make whatever the heck I want from the lists. But if LOTS of you vote then I'll go with what y'all vote for. Including the "always to be made" stuff.

Ok, here we go!

WAIT! How's about a picture of a sleeping koala first?



And followed up with a sushi platter:





Alrighty then! Let's have a squizz at the previous menus!

2006 Holiday Feast blog post:

Saturday, November 25, 2006
Guy Fawkes Down Unda!
Ha! Didn't that title fool y'all? I'll bet right now everyone in the US is busy googling the name Guy Fawkes. What? You're not? Damn, oh well... I guess I'll fill ya in.

In 1605 AD (Before Dave--The "A" is just a typo) a bloke named Guy Fawkes was arrested for trying to blow up the English Parliament on Nov 5th, 1605, BD. He didn't succeed, but there is a sort of unofficial holiday for either "Guy Fawkes Night" or "Bonfire Night".

So, now you know... But why/how do I know this? Cus the Most Wonderful Woman In The World (my wifey-poo) was born the day before on the 4th of Nov --yes, she is now 401 years old but doesn't look a day over 250. It just MIGHT have something to do with me being able to see in the dark and those two little scars on my neck that don't heal... Feral yellow eyes at night, geesh, doesn't everyone have those?

"Dave, just tell us the 'supposed' relevance of Guy Fawkes and today's post, thank you." Ah! I heard you think that.

Burning down Parliament requires fire. A by-product of fire is ashes. The Ashes Test Series is going on right now down unda (that's aussie pronunciation of 'under'). The Poms are going down in FLAMES!

Now do you get it???

I can take solace in the fact that in the previous Ashes up in the Old Country the Poms got the sh*t kicked outta them in the first test, then battled back and won the Ashes for the first time in yonks. Go POMS!

Since 99.99% of my readers are in the USA, I figure this has been a great lesson in what's happening in the rest of the world, eh?

No story today but I will share with you my Yuletide and New Year Holiday menu with you. In fact, each post from now till the 22nd of Dec, BD (I'll be busy cooking after that) will have a recipe from the menu.

So, without further intellectual wanking from yours truly (that means I'll shut me trap), here's the menu for my Holiday Feast:

Remember: a recipe from something of the menu follows, so read on:



This is in no particular order, I've still got to organise it on a day to day basis. Oh, everything is homemade from scratch.


Holiday food:

Panforte (type of a christmas cake)

Polynesian Lamb Spare Ribs

Cinnamon bread (2 or 3 loaves)

4,5 or 6 loaves homemade white bread

Polynesian Ham

Pineapple Pie

Pineapple Sherbet

Pineapple Topping --for the ice cream

Banana Jam --for the ice cream

Homemade Ice Cream --for the above toppings to cover

Charlotte Rouse

Pineapple-Coconut Pie

Miti

Roast Chook

Roast Pork Leg --persian style seasonings

Lots of Stuffing

Candied Sweet Potatoes

5 types of Gravy

Guacamole dip

Chunky Mild Salsa

Hot Smooth Salsa

Apricot Cobbler (at least 2)

Herbed Potatoes --oven roasted

Sushi Platter --6 or 7 varieties

Dolmades

Herbed, Buttered, Pumpkins Chunks

Waldorf Salad

Potato(e) Salad

Beef Roast --seasoned with either egyptian or morrocan herbs

Advokaat Cheesecake --Advokaat is a liquer made from brandy and egg yolks

Baked Cheesecake --either strawberry or blueberry, freshly picked

Tzatziki dip

Homemade Corn Chips

Homemade Potato(e) Chips

Green Beans and Red Capsicums (bell pepper) with bacon and nuts

Champagne with strawberries

Garden Greens Salad

Marinated Onion and Cucumber Salad

Champagne (case)

Sherry -one bottle for cooking

Beer (2 cases variety of types)

Red Wine (one cask)

White Wine (one cask)

Tequila, White Curacuao (triple sec), lime juice --for margaritas

Sake (1 or 2 bottles)

Advokaat (one bottle)

Brandy (1 or 2 bottles)


Aaaaannnnnnnnnddddddddd........ Today's recipe is....

MITI

Miti is a coconut dip from Fiji. The miti that I make is a variation from a traditional recipe tailored (or seamstressed) for ease of use of westerners. Oh, I have made it the traditional way, but it takes a while and (as you can tell from the menu) I'll need to shortcut where (wear) I can.

What you need:

1 cup (237 mls) dried coconut
1 tbsp (15 mls) fresh lemon juice (if you don't have a lemon tree out front then snag a lemon from the neighbors lemon tree)
1 fresh red chilli (chili) finely minced
1 small (small) onion, finely minced
1 1/4 cups (296.25 mls) boiling H2O (water)

What you do:

Chuck everything into a bowl. Let it sit for 2 to 4 hours. Strain the liquid into a bowl. Then take the leftover solids in your hand and SQUEEZE the heck out of them to extract the rest of the juice (do this over the strained liquid --you'll figure it out).

You can toss the SQUEEZED solids, or use them in a stir fry, or freeze em, or add em to rice while cooking the rice, hey: whatever.

The resulting liquid makes an awesome dip for dave's special homemade corn chips (stay tuned for that recipe).

Oh, you can use lime juice instead of lemon, they both work grate (great).


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Next up, the 2007 Holiday Feast blog post:

Saturday, December 22, 2007
THE Holiday Feast Down Unda

I'm a little late getting this years holiday feast typed in. In fact, we've already started on it --3 days ago! Some of you may notice it's a wee bit similar to last years feast; that's cus we've got many favorite recipes. Also, I've some new ones, and some that are just too darned expensive.

This is in NO particular order, but it'll feed four adults for two weeks. Oh, we're having a pool party and barbeque on the 28th, so the 4 or 5 kilos of snags are for the sausage sizzle.

Unless otherwise noted, everything is homemade by yours truly, or adapted (by yours truly) from recipe book --of which I have LOTS.

If'n any of you'd like a recipe for any of the following, just let me know via a comment, no worries.



Highland oat cakes

Shortbread

Peanut butter cheesecake with hot fudge sauce

Polynesian pork spare ribs

Pineapple pie

Cinnamon raisin bread

Polynesian ham

Pineapple sherbet

Chocolate mint ice cream with choc chips

Banana jam

Pineapple-Coconut pie

Miti (it's a dip)

Charlotte rouse

Banana leaf wrapped pork roast

Roast chook (at least 2 of em)

Candied yams

3 apricot cobblers (had one of em last night)

3 kinds of stuffing

4 types of gravy

3 types of salsa

Guacamole

5 kilos of sausages (for the bbq pool party)

2 kilos onions (for the above sausages)

Herbed spuds on the grill

My special homemade Dolmades

Waldorf salad

Tzatziki dip

One of my special sushi platters

Maple syrup candied pork roast

Corn chips and potato chips fresh made

Green beans and red capsicums with bacon and peanut sauce

Champagne with strawberries

Buttered roasted pumpkin pieces

2 cases beer

2 casks red wine

1 cask white wine

spicy marinated onions

Tequila, triple sec, and lime juice (mum-in-law has requested my special margaritas)

1 bottle brandy

1 bottle Father O'Learys Irish Cream

1.5 liters bourbon and coke

1 bottle dry cider

1 bottle sweet cider

Hot fudge sauce

Fudge brownies

Mince pies (lots)

Banana tarts

1 homemade bottle of chilli pepper and honey mead (I'll be the only one having that)


I think that should pretty much cover it. Remember, if you want a specific recipe then just ask.


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We follow that with the 2008 Holiday Feast Post:

Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Yes, it's that time of year again. Christmas and New Year! Gotta start planning for it early, doncha know.

It appears that summer may actually have arrived early this year, it's 95 F in the shade and 134 F in the sun. The pool in at 80 F. Tomorrow is actually supposed to be warm, so fingers crossed that I can take off the flannel shirt and bunny boots soon.

This years' menu will be forthcoming, but first...

You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Yeah, that means I'll shut up...





Before I begin typing in this years menu, let me tell you that this is to feed the brood from dec 23rd to Jan 3rd. Yes, life pretty much comes to a halt for 2 weeks down unda.

Now, I still haven't decided what's gonna be served on which day, and there'll be a couple of days of leftovers spaced throughout. I also reserve the right to add any menu item I want to. Hmmmph!

Please note, with the exception of the Christmas fruitcakes and the puddings that have been in the pantry for 6 years, pretty much everything is made from scratch. No, I don't go out and milk the cow's for the cream... you know what I mean!

At this point there is no particular order, or rhyme or reason to anything; I'm just jotting down the stuff that I plan to prepare.


Holiday Feast 2008/2009 Menu


Peanut Butter Cheesecake with hot fudge sauce (does this surprise you?)

2 Christmas fruitcakes

2 Roast chooks with all the fixin's --that includes stuffing, gravy, spuds, etc

Dave's Polynesian Pork Roast --yes, it's wrapped in banana leaves and slow roasted

Souvlaki chicken with tabouli and tzatziki

BBQ Roo burgers

Teriyaki Roo burgers

Dave's extra special chips

Homemade pizza

Grilled Basa fillets

Homemade crumpets and cream

Charlotte Rouse (you'll love it, I'll put up pics of the process)

Potato Salad

Coleslaw

Candied Sweet Potato with marshmallow and cherry topping

Waldorf salad --with mom's special dressing

Herbed, baked spuds

Pineapple glazed ham

Herbed, baked pumpkin

Roasted pumpkin seeds

Mexican buffet with all the fixin's (let your imagination run wild on this)

At least 2 sushi platters

Various chocolates

Hummus

Many salsas

Banana jam

Pineapple sherbet

Pineapple topping

Pineapple tarts

Pineapple Coconut pie

Pineapple meringue pie

Chocolate mint Chocolate chip ice cream made with fresh choc mint from the garden

2 Xmas puddings

Fresh plate of homemade dolmades

Pitcher (or 4) of margaritas

case of Cascade's

case of Boag's

Strawberries and cream

Champagne and strawberries

A few cases of vino

Apples and bleu cheese

some champagne

Devonshire Cream Tea --made from homemade scones, fresh whipped cream, and fresh picked strawberries.

I'm sure I've left something out, but you kinda get the idea... If I don't gain 15 pounds this year then I'll consider this holiday wasted!



Oi mate! What about the sunflower seeds?


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And finally here is the 2009 Holiday Feast:



Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Holiday Feast 2009 --Keeping It Simple *UPDATED*

Yes, this year I've been told to keep Dave's Annual Super-Awesome Holiday Feast down to a more, shall we say, reasonable level than in years' gone by.

So to help with that, I've started making tofu.

Yes, tofu.

Turns out it's very quick and easy to make! Very cheap too AND you get a big batch of okara leftover to make things like fake burgers, fake roasts, fake pork, fake roast chook... well, you get the idea.

And then there's all the neat things you can do with tofu! Marinate it, smoke it, grill it, stuff it, feed it to someone you don't like... See? There's so much you can do with just some plain soy beans and magnesium chloride!

In fact, I have decided that this years' feast will be meat free and all the meat dishes will be made with my own homemade tofu!





Bullshit.




But I have started making tofu. It will, however, of course, have practically NOTHING to do with any of the food this holiday season.

Many of you may be familiar with my previous menus, many of you may not. Just keep in mind that all but a few dishes on the menu are homemade. By me.

And the pots and pans are home cleaned. By me.

Yes, it's amazing what I go through, sigh...

Oh, if you want to learn how to make any of these, then just lemme know and hopefully one of these recipes will appear (like magic!) on my food blog.

And don't worry, there'll be a funny pic of dave at the end of all this, so please read. And keep in mind that this is meant to be spaced out over 3 weeks. And it's in no particular order. And no food is wasted.


And.

Here.

We.

GO!

holiday feast 2009

stout beer n brats w onions

homemade pizzas

peanut butter cheesecake w/ hot fudge sauce --I've been told if I don't make this each year then I'd better sleep with one eye open.

3 sushi platters

homemade chocolates

homemade tofu, marinated, smoked, grilled, etc.

roast chook w/ all the fixins

baked pumpkin

roasted pumpkin seeds --from the above pumpkin

toasted chilli n garlic almonds & peanuts

pork roast wrapped in banana leaves and slow roasted with polynesian
seasonings.

highland oat cakes

apples n bleu cheese

various homemade cheeses

1 xmas fruitcake

1 xmas pudding

pineapple & maple syrup glazed ham

candied sweet potatoes

fried worms

cinnamon raisin bread

many loaves of white and wholemeal bread

grilled basa fillets

many servings of my extra special chips (thick fries)

advokaat cheesecake

1 bottle of advokaat for above cheesecake

lots of homebrews; stout, lager, dark ale, regular ale, chilli beer, etc.

garden greens salads

marinated fish & onion & cucumber salad

4 kilos of sausage --if we have a pool party

onions for above sausage

1 apricot cobbler

mexican buffet with all the fixin's

champagne n strawberries

green beans n red capsicums w/ bacon & peanut sauce

panforte --awesomely great xmas cake

souvlaki chicken w/ tabouli & tzatziki

devonshire cream tea

pineapple sherbet

pineapple topping

pineapple tarts

pineapple coconut pie

banana jam

charlotte rouse

O'Leary's Irish Cream

brandy

cask of red wine

cask of white wine

shortbread

hot fudge sauce

waldorf salad

herbed, baked spuds

hummus

whipped cream stuffed crepes w/ dark chocolate sauce

*UPDATE!*

How could I forget my Polynesian Hibiscus Water?

*END UPDATE*


See? I've kept it simple this year! Harumph.

And now for a bit of foreshadowing...



I'm quite sure many questions leap to mind.

"Why is the ladder in the pool?"

"Does dave know about elektrikery and water?"

"Is there a happy ending? Cus I hate sad endings, but in dave's case I'll make an exception."

Why don't YOU come up with your own questions for the pictures and put it in the comments?


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So, that's it! Loosen up your typing fingers and start typing! Use the comments vote for loads of goodies! Please, PLEASE vote for LOTS of stuff!!! I'll give y'all till Friday, December Tenth, and then I'm gonna start cookin'!

Beer Batter Waffles

Alight, confession time... This is another post from my other blog before this here food blog was hived off. So you'll have to put up with my silliness.

But trust me, these are ultra delicious! Serve em with butter, dollop of freshly whipped cream, and maple syrup, side of bacon and you've got some seriously happy campers.

And here for your reading pleasure is THE recipe for Dingo Dave's Extra Special Beer Batter Waffles!

Special Beer Batter Waff-lees

You may notice something here as time goes on (ummm, besides the ticking of the clock), and that something is the fact that you'll see quite a few beer battered goodies from yours truly (or at least from me).

Remember, the founding fathers of the US of A were home brewers (we'll just go along with modern revisionist history about ignoring them pretty much all being slave owning folk too, eh) and I believe it was one of those dudes (I can't remember which, my memory is hazy from that long ago) who said in reply to a tax on beer "But sirrah, it is liquid bread!"

Alrighty, enough waffling already: here's what you need for some really great waffles:

One waffle iron --well, DUH! However, I am soooo glad that I brought my waffle iron down here from Alaska as I have yet to see a single waffle iron of ANY kind for sale here in the land down under... SHEEESH, the Belgian immigrants must be furious.

Alrighty, no dramas, here we go...


What you need:

2 1/4 cups (533 mls) flour --note, not self-rising!
3 (45 mls) tablespoons sugar --I use raw sugar for everything (well, almost, snicker snicker)
1/2 tsp (1/2 teaspoon) salt (NON-iodised sea salt --see a previous rant of mine somewhere)
6 tbsp (6 tablespoons or 90 mls) melted butter (not clarified... ah, perhaps I should clarify that term...)
2 eggs (chicken eggs, not platypus eggs) lightly beaten --don't forget to crack them outta their shells before beating them suckers
1 tsp (5 mls) vanilla essence --imitation or real, don't matter except for the price
1 tbsp (15 mls or 1 tablespoon) orange juice --if you don't have an orange tree out front (snicker, I gots a lemon tree out front too), then try to
use the freshest you can obtain (orange, not tree)
1 can of brewskie --a light pilsner works best, but hey, to each his/her own


Here's what you do:

Mix flour, sugar, and salt. Ummmm, I'd suggest using a large bowl to mix it in...

Melt the butter and let it cool --How to melt butter: microwave for 20 seconds (1/3 minutes), then stir, then nuke another 1/3 of a minute (20 seconds)... repeat till it's all melted (the butter you fool).

Chuck everything (including melted, cooled butter) into the bowl with the flour, sugar, and salt. Beat the heck out of it with a wooden spoon until the batter is smooth.

Let the batter sit at room temp* for at least an hour (overnight works too).

Give the batter a quick stir before using it in your waffle iron. If I have to tell you how to use and clean your waffle iron then I think you are on the wrong blog.


*room temp... Damn how I LOVE that term!!! The room temp here when the a/c is off is around 100 F (38 C). In the mornings room temp in the back can be 5 C (41 F).

So, like, try it, you'll like it!

Cassarole

This is a "blast from the past" recipe. It's from other blog before I hived off this here food blog. Which of course means it is full of some rather inane and silly comments from me.

You've been warned.

So here's the cassarole recipe in it's entirety from over 4 years ago.

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A Cassarole (not the US style, please note)

This is another easy one, in fact you get TWO recipes with this --weeee, something
for free in this world: a toofer (you know, two for one... toofer... oh, never mind).

Extra bonus: No conversions needed!!! Woo-hoo! This one's for everyone**!

Have you noticed I'm starting you all out gently with recipes and cooking? Don't
worry, they get more fun and adventurous as time drags on. Ugh, can't believe
I just typed that line of crap...

What you need:

one roaster pot with a lid (them old black, enameled ones your mum had that she
got from her mum work the best)
a few of hunks of really cheap, tough beef (or pork, or lamb, or roo, or moose, or bear, or wombat, or sheep, or BUNYIP, or wooly mammoth, or smilodon, or sasquatch, or caribou, or whatever)
2 onions; rough chopped
4 carrots; rough chopped
6 spuds (potatoes) peeled (or not); rough chopped
salt


What you do:

Put the hunks, chunks, or pieces of cheap beef in the bottom of the roasting pot.

Add everything else, layering as you go (up, dummy) and lightly salting each layer.

At this point, your roaster should full be right to the top. Add water (H2O) till the
water (H2O) is about half to 2/3rds to the top.

Put the lid on (this step has a serious DUH-factor).

Cook in oven for 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours at 175 C (350 F).

Ummm, serve it up! You can make gravy with the juices if you'd like (damn, gotta do a gravy
making entry soon).

BONUS recipe: The next day, take all the leftovers and chuck them in the blender (add
more H2O (Water) if needed) and blend it till it's all liquified (I like that word: liquify It can mean so much to so few...). Heat it up and serve with fresh, homemade (homaid) bread (damn, gotta do a homaid (homemade) bread entry).

Do ya'll like my use of parenthesis? Comes from a programming background.

** I put a double asterisk so you'd notice. Don't worry you vegetarians, I've got several
coming up for you too so please stay tuned :)

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See? I was much more funny back then. And make some fresh bread to go along with this, you'll be happy.

You can obviously season it with whatever seasonings happens to tickle your taste buds that day, no worries.

Australian Italian Sausage Rolls

Remember back in July when I made Aussie bacon n sausage rolls for you? And do you remember that I said they aren't the traditional style of Aussie sausage rolls? Well, this one is much more the traditional way as it uses bulk sausage meat instead of formed sausages.

Just go back to the July post, have a quick squizz at it then come on back here. I'll wait, no worries.

You're back already? That was quick.

Just to let you know, I didn't measure anything for this, which is coincidentally another Aussie tradition! And I Slape n Sons sausage meat. Made locally here in Adelaide, very tasty, and inexpensive.

Australian Italian Sausage Rolls

What you need:
About 500 grams bulk sausage meat
1 tsp (or thereabouts) ground white pepper
1 tbsp (or so) fennel seeds
small handful of finely minced onion
3 sheets of puff pastry

What you do:

I could very easily describe this in one rather short paragraph but that wouldn't be fair to you as it's been a wee will since I posted anything here. So how about I string it out for a bit using ten (10) pretty pictures? Yes, how about I do that.

Firstly, make sure you have everything needed at hand:




Next mince up the onion and half-grind the fennel seeds in your mortar. Add that plus the white pepper to a large bowl.




And then plop in your sausage meat.

*plop*


Now mix it all together thoroughly. Just use your hand and start squeezin' till it looks like this:




Toss it into your freshly seasoned and brand new thin-walled, polished, cast-iron 15 inch wide wok and light a fire under it. Make sure you break apart the sausage as it cooks, but you probably woulda guessed that part. Here it is halfway cooked:




And here it is fully cooked.




Make sure you drain the meat well.




Take a thawed pastry sheet and cut it into fourths. Put some of the drained meat onto one quarter...




...and then roll it up. I ended up with 13 rolls from one pound of sausage meat. Here's one tray filled with 8 of them.




Bake em in a hot oven till they look like this:

These were cooked at 190 C in a fan-forced, gas oven for around 25 minutes.

Let them cool, bag em up, toss in the freezer. Tada! Sausage rolls for the week. Enjoy.

Whipped Anchovy Butter

Hey! Where are you going? This is good, trust me.

A while back when I was at a doctor's office waiting for mum-in-law to be finished with her appointment I was skimming a magazine. Can't remember which one it was, could've been Gourmet Traveller but I truly don't remember.

Anyways, one of the recipes I skimmed was butter with anchovies and bunch of other stuff like tuna lots of seasonings. Since I couldn't remember all the ingredients I figured I'd try making some when we got home but that'd I'd "keep it simple".

Fast Forward almost a YEAR!

Totally, completely, forgotten about. But then when I was checking the pantry I noticed we were getting low on anchovies and that reminded me about the recipe I skimmed a year previous.

Not remembering anything that went into it besides anchovy and butter I pretty much started from scratch. But I did get the idea from the magazine --whichever magazine it was!

Dave's Whipped Anchovy Butter

What you need:

2 to 3 tbsp butter
2 or 3 anchovy fillets (1 per tbsp of butter)
1 tbsp cream
1/4 tsp freshly cracked pepper
1 tbsp finely minced onion
1 food processor


What you do:

Firstly, assemble your ingredients. Note that I'm using a mini-food processor. If you make a lot of this at a time then a regular f-p will work but otherwise try to find a mini one. They're cheap.





Put everything EXCEPT the minced onion into the food-pro.





Process till it has a whipped look/consistency. Should take more than 30 seconds.





Mix in the minced onion, and then artfully arrange it for taking purdy pictures!







Use it just like you would regular butter, no worries.

Easy Vegetable Stock AND Easy Cheese Sauce

You get 2 recipes today! Mainly cus I've been negligent in my posting lately, my bad.

These really aren't "recipes" as I think they are just too simple for ingredient lists and the like. Besides, I make each one different each time. Don't worry, I'll write all about various substitutions and methods.

We'll start with the veggie stock. Why make your own? Have you ever looked at the list of ingredients on powdered or liquid stock you buy at the shops? GAAACK! The rule is if you either can't pronounce it or don't know what it is then DON'T buy it. I happen to be able to do both and it scares me just what people put into their bodies.

*dave climbs off soapbox now*

Simple to make you own veggie stock. And you don't even need a bunch of high priced perfect-looking veggies. Cheap ratty-tatty ones on quick sale work great. So do scraps from your meal prep!

Potato peelings? Toss em in the pot. Corn husks? Ditto! Same goes for that corn cobb you just ate. Shriveled garlic or dried out onion? Wee-hoo! Skanky looking outer cabbage leaves? The more the merrier! Shriveled carrot? No worries!

Here's what mine looked like:


The pot contains half a dried onion plus it's brown skin and roots, a mashed up garlic clove, fennel stalks and fronds, outer leaves from a cauliflower, and a small handful of cumin seeds.

Added just enough water to cover things as I didn't need too much stock. I was going to use this stock to start the cheese sauce so I didn't need much. If you are making enough for soup then use a larger pot and more water.

After simmering, covered, on the stovetop for an hour, this is what it looked like:



Just strain it and put it into a small saucepan to make the cheese sauce.

Sometimes I use beer to start the cheese sauce, other times white wine. This time I wanted to use the stock I just made. Which, after all, was the whole reason for making the stock in the first place.

I had around 3 cups of stock and to that I added 1/2 cup cream and a pinch of turmeric (just enough to turn it yellow about 1/8 tsp). Heated it up and whisked till it was all combined.

The saucepan should now look something like this:



At this point you can also grate in some chedder; you won't get as creamy a texture though.

Next I removed it from the heat (thick bottomed saucepan so it held the heat nicely) and whisked in cornflour (cornstarch in the US) 1/4 tsp at a time. It's important to REALLY whisk the sauce at this point as you actually want to aerate the sauce. Once the sauce is just less than your desired consistency (while constantly whisking) then return the pan to the heat for about a minute. Now add 4 or 5 tbsp cream cheese and stir/whisk till cream cheese in incorporated into the nice, fluffy sauce.

Here I am whisking away after the 6th 1/4 tsp of cornflour was added.

Notice the aeration already? That'll keep it from "gellifying" when it cools.

Whisk CONSTANTLY. This whole process will take 5 to 8 minutes to get the sauce thickened but airy.

Those cramps in your hand are worth it, trust me. Or you could just use an electric mixer the whole time if you so desire.

Once you've heated it back up for a minute or two (while whisking constantly) and added the cream cheese, then remove the saucepan from the heat and pour it into a bowl.

Now's when you get to add goodies! Chilli flakes? No worries. Cumin powder? Oh yeah! Fresh coriander (cilantro in North America) leaves? You betcha! You are only limited by your imagination.

For this sauce I chose bacon. Seriously, doesn't EVERYTHING taste better with bacon?




Then just gently stir it in!




Notice the creaminess of the sauce? This last photo was taken AFTER the sauce had cooled. Neat huh? So you can make a creamy cheese sauce using cornflour --cornstarch-- provided you whisk or mix well for a bit of time to really aerate the mix so it doesn't congeal as it cools.

Enjoy!

Grilled Fennel

Yeah! So simple. So good! So TASTY!

Caramalized fennel slabs. Gotta like it.

No "real" recipe as this is pretty darned simple.

Slice your large fennel bulb into 1/2 inch thick slabs.

Rub some olive oil or some bacon fat into the slabs. Grill them (or pan fry) till they are caramelized. Note: If grilling you'll want to move them off the direct heat occasionally so they don't burn.

When they are done, they are done!

I served last night's grilled fennel as a side dish to a sausage burger. The burger was topped with cheese, avocado, bacon, and lettuce. Needless to say, it was devoured quite quickly.

Try getting your mouth around this:



See the grilled fennel slab next to the burger? Yeah, darned good tucka!